kelley? who the **** is kelley?

My dad, aunt and distant family friend (who my aunt emailed to notify that I nowadays reside in the US, as does he) have all sent me a message through my contact form on my website (bless them!). Today though, I received a message from someone who is not a part of the Johansson household. I received an email from a, I'm hesitant to use the word "businessman" here, let's say... aspiring business... coach? 


The message read as follows:


"Hi Kelley:

I used your website contact form at http://bangonthemoney.com to send you this message. Ichose this method rather that a call to allow you to decide if having additional profits in the next ninety days and thereafter was of interest to you. I am offering to teach you how at no risk to you. Yes, no strings attached. If I don\'t succeed in getting you value you don\'t pay. In fact, I will not invoice you at all during that ninety days. Visit www.xxxxxxx.net to discover more.

I am making this offer to add 300 new students to this revolutionary new program. This offer will be removed once that number of students is reached.

Sorry for the unconventional way I have approached you, however, what is important is that you now have the opportunity to participate."

I could not believe what was in front of my eyes. First of all, who's Kelley? The first introductory line on my website (following the massively dope title "Awesome. You're here.) is: "I'm Jo." I'm now contemplating to add "Not Kelley".

This guy is offering me his help. But by the looks of it - he needs mine. Dear sir, I hope you read this and I hope that you seriously re-evaluate your approach to acquiring new business. Our you'll be out of business. Best of luck to you.

Regards,

Jo

(Not Kelley)

lies and wines - DNYHM vol 4.

Yesterday morning I had another interview. This time it was with The Charter Network. It was the usual "How did you find out about us and why did you apply?" combined with "Why do you want this job?" (Marketing Assistant). It went alright considering I hate phone interviews with a passion. They can't see my body language, accompanying gestures and funny faces. And I make some gooood faces from time to time, I'll tell you that. They should be witnessed in person - not imagined. Also, sarcasm doesn't tend to work that well over the phone either. Not that this was the kind of organisation where sarcasm would have been overly appreciated. So I kept my cool. They said they would get back to me at the end of this week and we hung up.

And then I realised. Before I left Europe I told my friends a massive lie. I said I would take any job at any company as long as there would be potential to grow within the company, climb the corporate ladder etc etc. That's not true. I will not. I simply can't take a job at a company where I wouldn't feel passionate about the company, the brand and the product/service. I would die on the inside. My integrity would be irreparable. So with that being said. I take it back. I will only accept an internship/job offer at a company where I feel that I'm working towards something, creating something, have a massive impact as to what happens with the brand and how people perceive it. Don't mess with passion, people! I'd rather go home broke and heartbroken than live in New York with no integrity. Turns out, I'm not a sell out. Damn it.

Enough of that. Today I headed down to Soho for an interview with Oriel Wines. What can I say... I want to work there. Badly. So much stuff going on - good stuff, exciting stuff. And it's not every day you leave an interview with a bottle of wine. Kudos. K-U-D-O-S.

"i think you have used all of your luck today."

Yesterday, after eight days in New York and two days in my new apartment, I lived through my worst nightmare. Key words being "lived through". In the morning I discovered that I could slide open my window screen. Neat, I thought. Then, after a day out and about I came home to an exceedingly humid room, the window was open but the window screen was down. So, I did what I had done in the morning, I slid it open. Except that the entire thing unhooked and flung off. From the 15th floor. My first instinct was to jump after it. My second was; "that will hurt". So there I was, helpless, staring at the window screen making its way to the ground. I saw pedestrians passing by on the sidewalk below. I thought, "Please, please, please don't hit anyone". The wind grabbed a hold of it and it looked like it was gonna crash down on one of the cars parked along the street. Nope. It took another direction, back toward the building. The outer window sill of a first floor window dampened the fall before it hit the ground. As this happened I shouted at the top of my voice: "WATCH OOOOOOOOUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!" The bush next to the building entrance further dampened the fall before it hit the concrete.

Now picture my head out this window looking really, REALLY scared:

The damn window screen.

View is still good though. And no casualties. All in all, a good day. Pheew.

No one was hurt and I'd like to thank my lucky star, baby Jesus and the Easter Bunny for that. I'm never touching that window screen again, I would rather sweat than kill someone.

Sergio, my landlord, said he thought I had used all of my luck that day.
I agreed.
That's why I didn't leave my room for the rest of the evening.

news of nomination.

I emailed one of my former colleagues at whitespace the other day to ask for the campaign posters I wrote the copy for so that I can add them to that starving portfolio of mine. She sent them my way along with some great news. Apparently the posters for Cycling Scotland's I Love My Bike/I Hate My Bike campaign have been nominated for Scottish Creative Awards! Congratulations to them (and me)!

Close ups for the crew (click to enlarge!):

to niklas.

This post is dedicated to my friend Niklas. He inboxed me and complained about my blog having too much TEXT and that a simple miner like him gets all his information from pictures. As a marketer I know how important it is to please my audience (which most likely consists solely of my friends and family, big ups for reading guys!). So here you go! This guy, on Columbus and 87th, scared the shit out of me last night when I went over to my new apartment to drop off my suitcase. I'm gonna stop writing now so that the amount text doesn't overwhe....

midtown ologies and daddys on broadway - DNYHM vol. 3

As mentioned in my previous post yesterday I headed to Midtown for an interview with Marketing Director Jarrett Cato at Ology. He wasn't there. Physically, that is. So I was put in a room with a laptop in front of me for an unexpected Skype interview. Good thing I like the unexpected! My awesome this-should-score-me-some-extra-points plan which I was about to execute flawlessly in the conference room I was put in first, was unfortunately destroyed as I had to move into a smaller room because of a meeting. I had written "I really like my new desk! Thanks!" on the whiteboard behind me. Cheeky. Then I quickly had to scribble down "Sorry guys, wrong room!" when I had to move. Oops. Interview went well I think and as it is a very small world Jarrett actually used to work with the guys at The Tap Music! Crazy.

Then I headed towards Union Square to meet Kristin at UrbanDaddy. At first I was planning on answering all of the questions as if I was my good friend Dan. That would have been well funny (for me). "My name is Dan, I'm Colombian. I'm from Twickenham. I love football and I'm really good at making tea." It was tempting, I must say. But I settled for explaining my love for the novelty of using daddy, or more accurately so; dodi! (This is not going to make a lot of sense for a lot of people.) Kristin looked at me funny. So then I had to say serious things. Went pretty well I think. Not that I have heard from her yet. After that I decided to have an interview free day as my brain surely will fry. Good call I think.

You guys, this is fun!

red trousers, water leaks and look alikes - DNYHM vol. 2

My first interview crammed day has come to its end. It went exceedingly well. So well that I had Key Lime Pie for dinner, hahaa!

The crew at Tap Music was a chill bunch. There was a dog in the office/apartment. That says everything. These guys need some help though, even if I decide to take another internship or job I intend to keep in touch with these people, it's called evangelism marketing. It's the good stuff.

After that I headed downtown to Vizlingo. What was supposed to be my first subway ride since I arrived turned into a 76-block walk. No trains on the blue lines due to a massive water leak. Good thing I had time to kill. Allison, who interviewed me, said they'd love to have me and we shall be in touch in the next couple of days.

After a celebratory ice cream break (seriously nutriously satisfactory day) in Washington Square Park I continued my unintended Manhattan excursion down to Soho and Sheckys. That's where I met Roger. Roger wants Sheckys to become the biggest brand in the universe (in their market). I liked Roger. He had a very American spirit - and a beard. He must be one of the good guys. He said he'd get back to me within the next couple of days.

Most definitely a good start to the week! Tomorrow I'm heading down to Ology at 11am and then UrbanDaddy at 1.30pm.

On my way back to the hostel I passed a restaurant where two girls in their 20's were sat at an outside table having a drink. I could see the one facing my way giving her girlfriend the "look-at-this-girl" nod, so that she would turn around and look at me. I let this scenario play out, walked past them, then a few meters later I turned around and gave them a massive smile. They looked slightly embarrassed but they smiled back. Have these Manhattan chicks never seen a girl wearing rolled up bright red trousers combined with a pair of badass shark socks before? If that's the case, them lot are in for a treat.

Another funny thing was a random guy telling me I look like Brooke Shields. He thought he made my day. I HATE BROOKE SHIELDS. Her face has always annoyed me. Also, she's 46. Hahaahaa, too funny. (Will take it easy with the eyebrow pencil tomorrow.)

Time for bed. I'm shattered. But happy. Happy shattered.
Good night!

preparing for sharing - DNYHM vol. 1

While writing this I'm in Starbucks on the corner of Lexington and 96th street. I just accidentally glanced at my neighbour's computer screen and he was on a website called "Flirting With Models". His identity shall remain anonymous, but I wish him the best of luck.


I've been in New York for almost three days now, and as expected it feels like home. So good to be back! This post will be the first in the series I have twitterly titled #DearNewYork #HireMe (DNYHM). So let's hope it doesn't go on for too long eh...!


I have three interviews tomorrow so I headed down to Fifth and bought some interview appropriate attire today. I don't know how appropriate it is though considering I spent nearly 12 months locked away in a computer lab wearing colour combinations that would make Anna Wintour question her entire career. I've definitely toned it down but there's no black in sight so I hope these guys tomorrow can handle it!


First stop at 11am is The Tap Music, an online community devoted to the creation, discovery, and support of quality music. This is the one I want the most so that's why I made them a little animation, watch it here. 


After that I'm heading downtown to the guys at Vizlingo, a start up operating out of NYC and Silicon Valley with a concept based on a messaging tool that translates your words into video. Well keen to ask these guys some questions.


Final stop for the day at 5pm is Shecky's down in Soho. Judging by the look of the website it's not something I'd usually go for, but their ad was well good. And if they are willing to take on someone answering their list with "this is a plus skills" with the following is definitely worth talking to:


Pro Tools - Hammers and stuff? Check!
Photography - I own a camera, check!
Videography - I sometimes film stuff using my ipod.... check?
Bookkeeping - I have bookshelves.
Spelling - I tink I can spells fairly god.
Creative/artistic abilities of all sorts - Endless. Like, seriously.
Competitive athletics - Show jumping! (That's on horses.)
Dog walking - Mad walking skills, check! Check! Check!


(Sarcasm win.)


Right, I'm gonna do my research now. I've got two hours left until Starbucks shuts so. Something I've learnt during these three days is that you have to get below 100th street to get decent wifi. The free wifi at the hostel is free because it doesn't work. That's lovely.


I will update you on my hopefully successful day tomorrow evening. I shall also stick to my promise of telling you about my failures as much as my conquests. If I fuck up, you will know! Laugh, cry and cringe people! 


Later!

craigslist behaviour.

When you're on Craigslist and you click the marketing/pr/ad section listed under "jobs" you expect way more from those posts than say, accounting+finance and biotech/science. I mean, these people are, by trade, supposed to know how to get your attention, engage you and sell you something - in this case a job. The majority of these companies don't give away their name (yet are still happy to claim they are industry leaders, more often than not working with Fortune 500 companies). Right. How am I supposed to target, tailor and interview proof my application unless I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. (Sorry, that simply had to be said in capitals!) I mean, generic copy/paste cover letters are for people who like their inbox to look like this:

Inbox: - (0)

Post-recession job hunting can be pretty degrading and sometimes even humiliating, I'm trying to keep my integrity on a decent level by not clicking titles like these:

$70K-$100K Be a leader, Its only POSSIBLE if you BELIEVE it

100% THE MOST LUCRATIVE OPPERTUNITY BEING OFFERED TO MAKE 10K+ MONTH!!

ARE YOU READY FOR A NEW CAREER? $50-$100K-TRAINING & SUPPORT PROVIDED

Thankfully, at times, you get blown away by funny requirements like these:

- A writing style that doesn't sound like it came from a term paper or a corporate handbook
- Ability to operate independently and under pressure
- In possession of some really solid people skills
- Comfort with Macs and Gmail/Google Docs
- Awesomeness
- Permanent U.S. work authorization
- Someone, at some point in your life, told you that you have a lot of common sense. And they weren't being sarcastic.


Despite all the bogus that's out there I do enjoy navigating through all the crap. So how am I doing so far? Well, I'm bagging interviews like it's going out of fashion, and I'm truly humbled by all the responses so far. Fingers crossed they'll like me offline as well!

barcelona - unrobbed.

Here comes the best from my anti-"double dip" and "holy-cow-I'm-done-with-university" holiday in Barcelona!

Recession friendly airline; "anti" doesn't mean "ignore" guys!

Thought I'd give them a hand (leg) adding some towers, maybe they'll finish before 2026 now. 

Product placement on Playa de Barceloneta.

Headed toward Montjuïc.

Made it to the top!

At MACBA embracing my alleged "arty" ego.

Hey Europe! More of this please! Free Wi-Fi.

Love paella and all that, but this ticket was by far my best Catalonian investment.

My last night in Barcelona at Camp Nou, money well spent! Barcelona vs. Villarreal: 5-0.